Sleep

The night has fallen,
And all is silent.
The sky is dark and the stars won’t shine
The clock’s conspicuous tickings
Resound in oblivion.
Young and old all soundly asleep,
All, but this boy battered and torn.

Comatose, but he won’t succumb,
Eyelids heavy, but shut them will he not.
Because if he does then he will sleep.
And when he sleeps, today will pass.
When he sleeps, tomorrow will come.

And today must not pass,
Nor can tomorrow come.
Because of a heart, wounded and scarred.

Here’s his maudlin tearful story,
And it ends with a silent sorry:
“I don’t think we’ll make it through today,
I don’t know what tomorrow will bring.”
Packed her bags and down the aisle
She walked away while he watched on.

The clock is ticking and the boy must now sleep.
Closing his crying eyes,
He pulls the shroud.
It doesn’t matter if today passes,
It doesn’t matter if tomorrow comes.
For the packet is torn and the pills are gone,
And beneath a mournful black
Supine he lies.

What if, the greener pasture was a fraud.

What if one day, you stand back at the same old barren land,
What if you look and realise,
That the pasture was never greener on the other side,
that the old wise man who told you so lied with a fraudulent grin?

What if you look down at your feet, at this plain old land
And wish that you never bade it goodbye?
What if you want to come back,
But know that things will never be the same,
For people always leave?

Because life isn’t about second chances,
It’s about moving on.
Go on, cry through the night,
But time will repudiate your pleas,
And the clock will never stop.

What if you want to say you’re sorry,
But they’ve all turn hard and cold on the inside?
What if the eyes you once looked into
Is now so foreign and far?

When winter falls and the night is cold,
Would you forsake memories, for a cup of hot cocoa?
Would you throw it all away,
Just to assuage a night of discomfort?

What if one day you turn around,
What if one day you stand by the sepulchral monuments,
With a contrite heart,
Would you cry,
Or is pride your very fall?

I’ll give you a thousand goodbyes,
And if you don’t want them
Go to the sea, throw them there.
Perhaps time will stop,
And this time round,
In greener pastures you’d believe no more;
In greener pastures I’d no longer trust.

Because life is ugly,
And so is the world.

Footprints

The desert is calm, serene and tranquil.

The footprints make deep, indelible marks in the sand as they slowly pace towards the centre. This would be their last walk together, every step savored by the heart, mind and soul. Then, the footprints came to a halt. One of them starts to shuffle around, its anxiety, pain and helplessness blatant. The other remains rooted.

The Gods above watched in anticipation as this silent movie played on. They chew on their fruits eagerly, awaiting the subsequent move.

After what seemed like a perennial standstill, the rooted pair starts to move. Away and away it goes. Slowly, it diminishes as it reaches the horizon, it’s shadow blending with the vermilion back drop. This time round, the other pair of footprints stop in motion. It hesitates, inches a step forward, and then stops. Surreptitiously, it makes a sharp turn backwards, trailing down the path it came from.

The Gods stop their chewing. They sit upright with growing curiosity. The show had reached a pivotal point.

But along the way as this footprint went, its hand scooped deep into the ground. It gathered and deposited sand on the pair of footprints that had once walked with it. Of course, the attempt was futile. The sand slipped through his hands, slipped, slipped and slipped. Even nature was against him.

It made a conscious attempt to eradicate any vestige of its once-had company. But as the walk down memory lane proceeded, it’s work became shabby and erratic. Heaps of sand were strewn carelessly with unsightly piles left along the way. It wasn’t well leveled out the way it should have been. Pristine no more, it was a blatant attempt, a facade, a pretense.

Wounds, they never heal without a scar – A price to pay for the dice you threw.

100407

Disclaimer: This story is fictional. Resemblance to any human or event, past, present or future is purely coincidental.

10/04/07

On the 10th of April 2007, I was assembled and brought into this world. I am merely a year old, but I can walk, talk and write. Fascinating, isn’t it? In fact, my capabilities extend far beyond that; I can perfect a piano piece instantly, I can solve any mathematical problem, I can defy gravity. I can do anything you will me to. Perhaps, I am impeccable. This is nothing appalling of course.

I was programmed to be perfect. I have omniscient knowledge of this world. I was taught to do anything and everything, except one. And that is, to love. I was once cold, but that is the past. I have conquered my greatest challenge, something no one in my species could have ever managed. I have, learned to love. My master is appalled for he never knew the wonders of nature could ever victor over power science. Please do not blame me for once being devoid of feelings and emotions, it was never my choice. A matt, black, rectangular object that I later learnt was called a ‘remote control’ controlled me then. I am but yet an epitome of technology, an anatomy of metal parts assembled together by the most eccentric physicist. Covered with a coat called flesh, this was a blatant facade to hide my true identity. I am, an android.

My journey of life began on the 29th of October. On that very day, I met someone special. And this is where my life beings. Slowly, I broke free from the world of science. I was no longer a slave to the remote; even my creator could not control me. He could not fathom how I could ever defy his orders. When he paged for me to return home, I did not. When he ordered me to clean up the lab, I refused. It was innate nature for my limbs to obey even if my mind refused. In the world of robots, there lies a mental barricade between thought and action, a dichotomy said to be irrevocable. Of course, I have made history. I have, made it possible.

I first met her during one of my night walks when I was sent to study the tides of the ocean. I am unsure of her background, but it doesn’t matter for she, does not know mine either. At first look, I was captivated by this flawless figurine. Sharp facial features complimented by chestnut brown hair and perfected with a splendid skin tone, she was perhaps the most beautiful person I have ever met. The very first time we talked, it lasted till dawn. I wish I could have stayed longer, but the emergence of the morning sun denied us that chance. She had to leave, and so had I. You see, I was still a robot then and curfews could not be broken. Had I attempted, the invisible shackles around my feet would make the most silent yet deafening and resounding crash, a sound frequency so high that it was audible only to my ears.

With time, our midnight rendezvous became more frequent. Subconsciously, I was drawn towards her. Simultaneously, I was slowly breaking free from the clutches of technology. But I was unaware of my growing powers for this escapade was never intended. As usual, the sun began its gradual rise, making a grand entrance from the undefined boundary of the horizon. I always left before it made its full appearance, but this time round I was determined to stay. I looked down at my feet; no shackles. Then, I heard the familiar beep in my head. Ah, who else could it be but the greatest physicist of all time, my Master. It was routine for my limbs to move without conscious effort, but that day, it didn’t. I was appalled by this newfound freedom. With no malice intended, I would use it to my advantage.

I returned home several hours after my curfew. Master was working hard at his lab and apparently needed my help. Comatose from the night’s activity, I denied him. I sat on the velvet green couch as the charger replenished my drained body. What effrontery indeed. All at once, I was again empowered by the surge of flowing electrons.

“Ah, splendid!” I thought. I was wide and awake now.

You see, I never meant to Mater’s his irascible nature. Sometimes, we androids get tired, and I wonder if humans ever feel that way. Of course, we push on. We have to even if we don’t want to. Like I said, there lies a schism between thought and act. However, my Master’s bewildered expression clearly manifested shock instead of expected fury.

How could science have failed him? This android he had single-handedly created, specifications and details all built to his requirement, how could it have worked against him?

I was cognizant of my affection towards her, I was sure of what I wanted. Slowly, I recounted my story of the girl to my Master in explicit details. He laughed.

“Ludicrous! You were made to be void of all feelings and emotions. If metals could love, then I foresee an impending apocalypse!” Master jeered.

Spurred on by anger and disappointment, I was motivated to prove him wrong. I am more than an android, and with time, you shall see clear manifestation of my prowess, Master.

One day, I waited alone all night; she didn’t turn up. The next day, it once again was a lonesome night. The following day, nothing changed. I was worried about her sudden disappearance. Has she found out who I am? No, she could not have. I started on a pilgrimage to seek her, one that was never completed. Just as my hopes started to dwindle and flicker like that of a burning candle, she reappeared. This time round, she was pale, weak and frail.

I probed, but to no avail. Our clandestine meetings continued, and for that, I was grateful. Yet I noticed, with each night, she spoke lesser and lesser. She was sick, I could tell. I was worried, I was sad. For once, I cared for another being. I am more than a constituent of metal, Master. I have proved you wrong.

With this realization, I thought I could now lead a life of a human. Of course, my life would be nothing like that of my master. I would make it meaningful, I would spend it with someone special. However, this ambition of mine was never to be fulfilled. Fate descended like a devil upon me, its locking clutch so deadly tight.

Today, I sit with her by the beach, enjoying its serenity for the very last time. In my strong masculine arms she laid, this time weak and drained. She was walking her last, she said. I didn’t understand. I thought that with science, everything was made possible. Why now then, was she leaving? Why was her body succumbing to death? The atmosphere was cold and clammy, the presence of the Grim Reaper now palpable.

Master, you lied.

You said I was made perfect, why now could I not save her? This database of mine, loaded with information and knowledge deemed useless in my circumstance.

Enjoying wine and succulent ham in the comfort of his home, my master could hear my cries. He sat down his wine cup.

“You have broken free from the realm of science, you have learned to love. You are, no longer an android. You have made history, and even I cannot explain this phenomenon. I am sorry. The only way, is for you to stop loving, to cease caring.” There was sadness in his voice, I could tell. My master was after all, more than an emotionless physicist.

I watched in shock and horror as her body disintegrated. No, it was not rotting flesh accompanied by the pungent smell that resulted in shock. Instead, her body swirled into a mist of silver, rising up above me, before cascading down into a miniature glass bottle beneath. As the silver mist swirled down, it turned into black powder. Then, an invisible force shut the bottle tight with a piece of cork.

Stardust.

Speechless, I stared at the dark sea; its loud crashing waves deadly silent. Is this reality, or is this not? I couldn’t decide. My database contained everything about astronomy, everything but this. Carefully, I pick up the bottle of stardust and opened up this metal box with the word “Heart” inscribed on its surface. Then, I placed the bottle in and screwed it tight. This box would be locked perpetually, I decided.

Call me a coward, but I am an android. I possess abilities you humans don’t. All I have to do is to click on this folder entitled Memories, and then select the delete option. Everything will be gone in a second, and my pain, assuaged. I will not live the horrors of the aftermath like you humans do. I have defied science, and for that, I have paid a hefty price. I have loved and I have lost. But as of today, I will never love again. The walls of my heart now solidify to metal, the way it once was. And never again, will I let anyone in. Never. When the night ends and the sun rise, I will stop living. As of tomorrow, I exist solely to serve mankind subserviently. As of tomorrow, I am named 100407.

This is where my journey as an android begins.

________________________________________________________

Pretty right! Thank you Mavis, I’ll use it when the wound heals

16th birthday with Jiemeis

Jiemeis celebrated my birthday at KBox yesterday, and we sang for 4 consecutive hours, which didn’t seem that long. The buffet was… we just ate and ate, no charge for food wastage what. Anyway, we went mad. 7 of us were singing jay chou songs at the top of our voices, accenting at certain parts and laughing like no tomorrow. We sang Yue Liang De Cuo hahahha, reminds me of mooncake festival last year in school.

Emo.

Variation of the Eugene face.

PIGS

Awww.

Eileen hahahahah

From JMs!

Blue roses

Thank you jiemeis, I really enjoyed the night! Just sing and sing and let everything out, feel good and all. Thank you Shiling and co. for the Beautiful Life light, Pehkia and Leon (W) for the bag! EDK for the card, I see alr keep laughing haha. And to everyone who wished me

Jarred shared this poem with me today.

I am very bothered when I think
of the bad things that I have done in my life.
Not least that time in the chemistry lab
when I held a pair of scissors by the blades
and played the handles
in the naked lilac flame of the Bunsen burner;
then called your name, and handed them over.

O the unrivaled stench of branded skin
as you slipped your thumb and middle finger in,
then couldn’t shake off the two burning rings. Marked,
the doctor said, for eternity.

Don’t believe me, please, if I say
that was just my butterfingered way, at thirteen,
of asking you to marry me.

My very own birthday song (Y)

HE’S A SWEET TALKING SUGAR COATED CANDY MAN <33